Morrison's Next Whisky Bar
(Divination)

Range:  0
Components:  V, S
Duration:  Instantaneous
Casting Time:  5
Area of Effect:  One mile per level
Saving Throw:  None

This spell is meant to be used by a wizard who is looking for a good place to have a blast and get blasted. The spell seeks out all establishments within range and instantly gives the caster a mental impression of the best place, with regards to its location, name, general appearance, and taste of the wizard. The spell determines which is the "best" location by considering the following factors, in descending order of importance: strength and quality of drinks served, wildness factor, size of bar, and inexpensiveness. If there is no such location (at all) within spell range, the caster must save versus death magic or fall into a 1d4 round coma, and emerges from it weeping but unharmed. This spell is also known as Morrison's tavern locator.

